On the bulletin board outside the co-op hangs a poster. In the center of the poster is a grainy black and white photo of a man and a woman in their mid-twenties. Above the photo is the text “HAVE YOU SEEN THESE PEOPLE?”
Below the photo, the following:
Do not let these people near your cats. They claim to be extremely perceptive about cats, but they do not actually KNOW ANYTHING. They exposed our cats to verbal abuse, cannabis fumes wafted from their clothes, and they especially traumatized our little kittens with their questionable haircuts.
Ways that they really hurt our cats feelings:
1 – They didn’t like that we had a poster up in the garage of that little kitten hanging from a tree branch that says “hang in there”. They asked if the kittens seemed nervous seeing another kitten in peril like that. The kittens recoiled from this as it seemed to suggest that they were weak and could not handle the poster. We answered that they were fine with it.
2 – They appeared to have a problem with our garage in general. They poked around and asked if the kittens had ever gotten stuck behind our refrigerators. The kittens rolled their eyes at the idea that getting stuck behind the refrigerator was a big deal at all. (They get stuck behind the refrigerators constantly.)
3 – They asked if we always feed the kittens dog food. The answer is that the kittens prefer dog food. The kittens felt judged by this question as though they have to kowtow to the dog/cat binary that society forces on them. Suzuki in particular bristled at this suggestion.
4 – They had questions about why Skips was wearing tin foil armor like a knight. Uhhh, because if you were facing a fire-breathing dragon like Ahazorod, you would want to be protected, wouldn’t you? Skips did his “crazy eyes” when he heard them ask about this.
5 – They expressed concern that we were making Skips fight Ahazarod. We’ve never forced Skips to do anything. The “dragon” Ahazarod (a 30 pound raccoon that lives in the willow tree out back) sneaks into the garage on a nightly basis to steal the cats dog food. Skips defends his castle. He can stick up for himself.
6 – They wondered why we couldn’t close the garage up better so Ahazarod wouldn’t be able to get in. We explained that the kittens would never want to live a life under lock and key. The cats have imbibed our fervent libertarian principles and would never accept “safety” at the cost of liberty.
At this point our kittens were done with these people. We got the message and asked them to leave. They did leave, but the damage was done. Our kittens have barely felt up to squeezing behind the refrigerators or fending Ahazarod off in the night. They’ve become surly and irritable, and will barely touch their dog food.
Please, be vigilant and keep these people away from your impressionable kitties. Don’t let them suffer the hell our cats are going through. These people do not understand cats, and they never will. Consider yourselves WARNED.